『读书』Dispatches From The Edge

前两天听写做得太厉害，把耳朵听坏了，生生得疼。今天下班后在LG的实验室上网，看到桌下两个大箱子，第一本书赫然写着Anderson Cooper。以前，这个名字对我总是能起到触目惊心的效果，但是如今这样的感觉明显远去了。

书上那么大的名字，让人第一眼觉的是他的传记，仔细翻翻才知道，原来是本他写的书，名叫Dispatches From The Edge。让我把一本英文书读完是不容易的，和多数人一样，我有兴趣才能读书，可是没有读怎么能有兴趣？这是个绕不出去的圈，所以我至今读得最多种类的书是传记，因为对人有兴趣，所以对写他/她的书有兴趣。

要不要读这本新发现的书，我当时没有想法，按一位读书万卷的朋友的方法(先随手翻到自己觉得可读的地方，培养兴趣以后再从头开始)，我先翻阅了图片。不得不承认，Anderson从小就是个可爱漂亮的孩子，而最让我惊讶的是他的妈妈，一张1986的照片中，他们哥俩和母亲的照片让我误以为他们是兄妹三个。还是没有兴趣读，看序，于是关于他母亲的一段经历吸引了我。
My mother's name is Gloria Vanderbilt, and long before I ever got into the news business, she was making headlines. She was born in 1924 to a family of great wealth, and early on discovered its limits. When she was fifteen months old her father died, and for years afterward, she was shuttled about from continent to continent, her mother always moving off into unseen rooms, preparing for parties and evenings on the town. At ten my mother become the center of a highly publiciezed custody battle....My brother and I knew none of this as children, of course, but we'd sometimes seen a look in our mother's eyes, a slight dilation of the pupil, a hint of pain and fear. I didn't know what it meant until after my father died. I glanced at myself in the mirror and saw the same look staring back at me.

伟大的母亲能够培养出伟大的孩子，我坚信。所以，我开始读书了！

Part I: Tsuinami: Washed Away
2005年是个灾难年，他因此在外奔波几乎一整年。最近读灾难的场景太多，对他所说的05年的tsuinami已没有多少感觉。但是他将自己家族的经历穿插于眼见的灾难，几个片断竟然让我落泪。

应该说，他来自一个贵族家庭，爸爸是hollywood的演员，后来转写剧本，妈妈也是娱乐圈中人。关于他父母的相遇，他如此写道：
My parents met at a dinner party. Their backgrounds could not have been more different. My father had never been married and had a large clan of brothers and sisters and a mother whom he adored. My mother was an only child estranged from her mother, and her third marriage, to director Sidnay Lumet, had just ended. In each other, however, they recognized something--a desire for family, a need to belong.

在他十岁那年，新年伊始，他的父亲长逝在心脏病的手术台上，他和他哥哥从此都变了。他开始有强烈的自我保护意识，变得only half a heart，而他哥哥，一个早已和他父亲讨论文学问题的孩子，变得愈发敏感和脆弱。
The day my father died, my life restarted. The person who I was disappeared, washed away by the turn of the tide.............Suddenly the world seemed a very scary place, and I vowed not to let it get to me. I wanted to be autonomous, protect myself from further loss.

事情是环环相扣的，无论在哪里。读完了第一部分，我会想，如果当年他们的父亲没有去世，他的哥哥也不会于11年后当着母亲的面在Anderson的房间的阳台上自杀。对于哥哥的死，如今的Anderson是自责的，因为他当年的冷血自私。
That night (note: 3 month before the suicide), he seemed scared, fragile, and that frightened me, made me angry. I resented his weakeness. I asked him how he was, and we talked about his job a bit, but I really didn't want to know too much. It sickens me now to realize all this, to see how selfish I was. I could have done something that might  have helped. I could have talked to him, opened up, let him know that he wasn't alone. But I didn't.

(to be continued...)

在网上找了一张她妈妈的照片，真是太年轻漂亮了。